In the relationship of every married couple, there comes a period when strong feelings seem to begin to evaporate, and they are replaced by a habit, a calm course of life. Forgotten dates, tenderness, compliments. Hormones now have a completely different and unpleasant effect. They provoke quarrels and irritation because the partner does not want to take part in solving everyday and family problems, does not pay attention to important trifles, does not understand thoughts and hints, as before, does not deal with children, and much more.
Everyone, of course, has different experiences, but true love cannot just disappear. And, if both partners want to make some effort, try to remember or get to know each other in a new way, maybe arrange a romantic date for themselves again - routine and misunderstanding will dissipate. And feelings will return, albeit not the former ones, but more mature and conscious ones. But in this maturity, all the wisdom of human relations will be gathered.
Put the children to bed, take out a photo album with student photographs and, climbing with your feet on the sofa, remember how, returning from meetings, how they kissed in a country autumn forest, how hot the nights were in a tent on a camping trip during the summer holidays.
You may not have a common student past, but the memory of your first acquaintance is vivid in your memory: how long you did not dare to agree on a date, how cold your lower abdomen was.
Persuade your husband to go for a walk on the weekend. Take him to the old, familiar streets, to the cafe, where he treated you to ice cream for the first time. And if that cafe is no longer there, buy ice cream on the street - remember your friends and the events of those times. Shared memories, like shared experiences, are strong bonds that bind you together. Sometimes you really need to remind yourself and your significant other about this.
Nothing unites people like learning something new. It can be a fencing master class, oratory training, spiritual practice, whatever. Such events allow you to discover something forgotten or forever hidden in yourself and see your partner in a completely different way. Very often, people become not interested in each other precisely because they stop in their development, focusing on the vicious circle of "home-family-work." Your task is to become an interesting person not only for your partner but also for yourself.
A couple of decades ago, almost all women aspired to meet their destiny, get married, become happy, and start from their very young years. Today, the situation is a little different, and women no longer seek to get married. They can provide for themselves, and they do not need a permanent partner too much. Why getting married is still worth it - 5 reasons to get married.
Once upon a time, being married meant actually being realized in life. A woman who has not married will endlessly ask why she is not married when she tries to marry all single men in the neighborhood. The absence of a man raised many questions, and, of course, no one wanted to become like everyone else. Things are a little different today. Marriage is not always envious, especially if nothing else is backed up - career and personal success, for example. Therefore, ladies strive to realize themselves first and find a person with whom they will be truly happy.
Today, however, some motives can push young women down the altar. These include things like:
Striving to be financially secure,
Achieve a number of your own goals,
The desire to have a family and be a mother,
The desire to be under someone's protection.
And that's a big advantage too, isn't it? There will always be a person next to you who can support you in difficult times.
And family is also a great advantage that will allow you to feel that at least one of the areas of your life will be realized.
Whatever one may say, but together it is always easier to cope with life and everyday difficulties.
Yesterday you paid for the apartment alone, and today you paid in half. Easier, isn't it?
And this is perhaps the most important thing. The wife enjoys the love and care of her husband, and this is definitely a big plus.
Sex is part of a relationship, but relationships cannot be built on sex alone. Cheating is not always about a lack of love and respect. Your partner has already chosen you once, so you still fell in love with something, right? It was with you that he/she wanted to start a family. For treason solely as a physiological need, then talk of betrayal will disappear by themselves. Purely fleshly adultery is just sex. We were not born with the belief that cheating is bad and that all people should be exclusively in monogamous relationships. We have been accustomed to this postulate. Someone once decided that now we are going to play by monogamous rules. But let's look at the issue through the prism of history. There were times of matriarchy and patriarchy when one wife had several husbands, or one husband had several wives. Even today, in some cultures, marriage can be polygamous. All people are unique, and it is somehow simply unfair to break your "I," sacredly fulfilling a rule invented by someone, which may not suit you at all. Think about it, do you yourself want to be with one partner physically from wedding to death? It's like eating the same dish every day. Are you ready for such a long and strict diet? Are you sure that your partner will not get fed up with such a "diet" one day? We live in a relatively comfortable time for a change. Now no one will execute you for treason. You have the right to reflect on what you and your partner really need to build a strong relationship.
Crises arise in the life of every couple. Some new situation is usually used as an impetus for them. Each couple experiences these crises at different stages of their life together. One of the founders of family psychotherapy, Virginia Satir, identified the following stages of family life, which are especially prone to crises:
which are especially prone to crises:
the birth of the first child;
the child masters speech;
the birth of a second child, the struggle of children for the attention of parents;
the child went to kindergarten/school;
adolescence in a child plus a midlife crisis in parents;
when children began an independent life and they had their own family;
menopause in the wife;
decreased libido in the husband;
mastering new roles of grandparents.
Famous family psychologists Edmond Eidemiller and Viktoras Yustickis identified crises associated with adverse events in family life:
illness of one of the spouses or child;
conflicts with people around;
housing and household problems;
change in the social status of one of the spouses;
Each crisis has its own difficulties and ways to overcome them. Relationship difficulties are inevitable. And when the question of divorce arises in conversations, it is important to understand at which stage your family is or in which of the unfavorable situations it found itself.
What exactly are the difficulties? What prevents you from finding a way out of the situation? The answers to these questions will help you decide whether to keep the marriage or divorce.
For example, a young couple moved in and started living together. And after some time, they faced difficulties in organizing everyday life: who cooks? Who cleans up? Who goes to the store? Or the question arose of how to deal with finances: who earns, who keeps them, who makes decisions about spending, and etc.
Karl Whitaker, a classic of family psychotherapy, wrote that conflicts in the family are a struggle for "whose rules are more correct." Each of the spouses remembers the customs and traditions of their family, which they consider to be unshakable, and maybe they never thought that it could be different.
If the spouses are ready to listen to each other, share their preferences, concerns, needs, habits, talk about the traditions of their families, and maybe even admit that at home he/she was not allowed to solve financial issues and now he/she is at a loss, this will give they know more about each other and help them find a solution that works for both.
The parents of the firstborn are often on the verge of divorce. Beautiful other people's photos on the Internet form unjustified expectations of a couple from parenting. And in fact, the spouses face many problems, many of which they cannot cope with - but must. Uncertainty, shame, guilt towards each other, and the environment for their imperfection destroy relationships.
Suppose a couple is ready to face their imperfection, to admit the presence of problems and lack of experience. In that case, there is an opportunity to overcome the crisis - perhaps by seeking help and support from more experienced parents, a psychologist, and other professionals, thereby relieving tension within the family.
Spouses may face the fact that their opinions and views, goals, and values differ greatly, and no one is ready to give in to each other. And then there comes a moment when both spouses admit that their relationship has no development and decide to divorce. If you can't figure out the situation yourself, it is best to contact a family psychologist. Being immersed in a situation, being immersed in many experiences and emotions, it is difficult to be objective. A family psychologist for a couple is an opportunity to get a sober look from the outside, see difficulties, hear and understand each other, and only then make an informed decision.
At the stage of divorce and after it, many organizational issues arise. A mediator may be required if it is impossible to come to a common opinion on the division of property, raising children, and other issues. He helps the parties to build a constructive dialogue and find a compromise.
Go for a bike ride. For more fun, rent a tandem bike. Check how well you work as a team.
Create a culinary masterpiece. Prepare an interesting dish together - divide between different stages of preparation.
Go to the gym. Playing sports together is healthy and fun. Help each other keep your figure young, strong and flexible.
Play badminton. You can have fun playing badminton with a furnished patio. However, the badminton shuttlecock is so light that you can play it at home.
Take up gardening. Just imagine how beautiful your patio will be when the planted flowers and trees bloom!
Go to the theater. Get a cultural education by attending opera or ballet together.
Take a shopping tour. Go to the store and buy yourself something new. Help each other with practical advice when choosing clothes.
Taste the new wine. The best time for tastings in autumn and winter. Go out of town to a winery and taste aromatic wines, buy a bottle for some holiday. However, you can just pop into the restaurant after examining the wine list.